I only kidnapped one of them. chill
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
