In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
