can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
