Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
soo... how was my night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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