There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
