just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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