she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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