and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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