When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
