Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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