I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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