i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
