i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
