he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
