Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
