yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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