3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
