Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
