I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
