Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
