my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
