Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
