3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize