do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
