dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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