Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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