you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
