he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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