my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize