dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
