I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
