WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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