the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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