you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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