I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
