I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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