Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its about making memories worth repressing
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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