my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
