you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
