Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
