I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
