my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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