im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
