The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
