Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
