Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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