No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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