I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
