so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
