I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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