the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
