yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
