i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
