I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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