mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize