I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
