did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
