I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
