Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
