omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
