my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
