Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
