Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
BRING THE BAGELS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
