this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
