he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
