Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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