You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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