Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
