Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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