I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
