im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to calm my uterus...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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